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| Guest column by Chuck aka Frisbee |
| by RustyNail |
chuck's 2009 mock (heh) nfl draft hut top 5
1.) the detroit lions - the great wall of china (OL)
lets face it, the lions need help just about everywhere. i'm a guy who believes in building the trenches first, and if you're looking to hoist your franchise from a puddle of its own blood/urine, the pride of the people's republic is the only way to go. developed over a rigorous, 1,100 year period and stained in the blood of millions of chinese brick layers, the great wall was the stalwart of the UoOGL (u of our great leader) line that held the mongols at bay for centuries. so, that's gotta be worth at least something.
2.) the st. louis rams - skip bayless (DB)
for years, skip bayless spent his time behind a desk criticizing every professional athlete and developing a reputation for having one of the best haircuts in sports broadcasting second only to mel kiper: sporting an incredible "quad-slide" wave. however, after making a surprise appearance at the 09 combine, skip boasted a 4.38 forty, exceptional anticipation and ability to close on the ball (though he showed a tendency to "over-react") , the pivot and turning ability to keep up with most nfl-level route running specialists, and ice-cold critiques of the entire combine/draft process. needless to say, bayless blew the scouts away. the rams will take bayless with the second pick because he's just about the most defensive person in sports, and everyone blew the rams out of the water last year.
3.) the kansas city chiefs - a toilet
this franchise just needs to flush itself into the sewers with all the other turds in the state of missouri. seriously. or relocate to the uk.
4.) the seattle seahawks - theodore stuckey (RB)
shawn alexander is no longer an option to turn to in seattle, and mora has been lobbying to draft a rookie to help shoulder the load and take the pressure of matt hasslebeck. the issue of wide reciever was addressed in the off-season, so in order for the seahawks to reach their true potential on the offensive side of the ball, this is the only way to go. theodore stuckey is a 44 year old man who i've seen rob the hye-vee for three cases of beer on two different occasions. he outran everyone in the meat department and crossed first avenue, nimbly dodging his way through mid-day traffic, and back into the depths of the hood. his consistency on the ground with the game on the line was better than i've seen while watching seattle play during the last 3 years, so stuckey should bring some needed burst in the backfield as soon as he finishes his parole.
5.) the cleveland browns - lebron james (TE/HB)
after seeing a commercial about 1,000 times where lebron james fantasized about playing football for the browns, i've been doing the exact same; all over pondering cleveland's playoff chances while taking out garbage bags full of rotten food at work. i think lebron james would be a fucking awesome football player. and i mean, really, he's from cleveland, he's already an established sports star there, and he says he wishes he would have opted for football anyways. he would be a beast at the flex back, and you know it. what? you want to fucking fight about it? *tears off shirt and begins to flex, showing "S" superman tattoo, taz tattoo, and seattle sonics tattoos respectively*
chuckyanda@gmail.com
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